


(if only he could fool himself)

by orphan_account



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Lots of tears, M/M, Ouch, Pain, Slapping, Tears, angst? i think?, anywya, hurting, it was meant to be a little exercise warmup and it became this so Take it., parentheses, this is a mess im so sorry, this is so bad IM SO SRORY GOD the mood sucks in this, uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 20:59:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11298741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: hinata's disappointed in komaeda. komaeda accepts the attention gratefully.(takes place after chpter 1. very very slight au.)





	(if only he could fool himself)

**Author's Note:**

> im sks sorry i worote thsi at 10pm and i wasnt planning on it becoming a Thing but it did so take it  
> IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO BAD THE MOOD IS TOTALLY INCONSISTENT AND I... CANT WRITE PAIN?
> 
> uhh i guess this is an au-ish kinda where everyone got to know each other more before the killing school trip began  
> which is why hinata is so upset at his ex almost boyfriend! Lol!
> 
> edit: fixdd th formatting yaaaaa

"God, I–"

His words come out as wheezes, ungracefully tumbling out of his lips. Anger bubbled in his stomach, threatening to spill over and come rushing out. His brain was a chaotic cocktail of what put Hinata in the worst state he could possibly, _ever_ , be in.

Rage. Shock. Disappointment. Betrayal...?

Underneath him— where was he again? Oh right, his cabin. Komaeda was staring up at him with blank, dull grey eyes, though he still had that fucking– that fucking smile of his plastered onto his face. Did that smile ever falter? God, Hinata wanted to wipe it off his pathetic face.  
The aforementioned brunet was straddled above the frail teen— one hand wrapped firmly around his neck while the other which had been raised, came down with weak, rhythmic slaps across Komaeda's face.

_Slap, slap, slap._

Komaeda didn't falter once.  
Hinata wanted to scream— cry.

"I," _Slap._ "Had given," _Slap._ "My all to you," _Slap._

Hinata barely registered the words as they came out of his mouth in a grotesque, undignified jumble. He could barely hear himself over the white noise screaming at him from the inside of his own skull.

Even his own body betrayed him.

"And you," He wanted to sob. The hand that was once violently slapping Komaeda stilled, fingers pressed against the floor next to Komaeda's head. Hinata felt as he was pushing down so hard they could break.

"You had— you had the _gall_ to pull something like this. You got two people killed. And you aren't even fucking, sorry."

Komaeda simply blinked daintily. Hinata almost wanted to slap him again. How someone so despicable could look so pretty, the moonlight that filtered in from Hinata's blinds shining on his face. His eyelashes looked longer in the moonlight...

Huh? God dammit.

Komaeda opened his mouth for the first time since the trial ended.

"As much as I would like to make you feel better, I'm afraid apologies won't bring the dead back, Hinata-kun."

"I fucking _know_ that, Komaeda. That's not the poin-"

"And, what's an apology from someone as lowly as me going to do anyway? It'd be an insincere one, at best. I had my own motives, it wasn't accidental. You know this." Komaeda's eyes gleamed, and Hinata was taken aback.

"You're not even sorry...?" Hinata whispered incredulously, before a wheeze racked his body. "I can't," The anger was so close to boiling over. Hinata was so close to snapping. "Believe I, I _liked_ you. I admired you. You were so kind to me, I lowered my guard for you, I let you in, we did so much together, and that was all a lie? You betrayed me?" Hinata's words were becoming a fast, messy babble. His voice was raking against his own ears. He didn't even feel human. He, he _loved_ what practically was a murderer.

Komaeda pursed his lips as if he was thinking deeply about something. He brought one bony hand up, wrapping his fingers around the wrist of the hand Hinata had pressed against his throat. He brought his other hand up to gently cup Hinata's cheek, before carding it through his chestnut locks.

"I didn't betray you," Komaeda began to speak again. "Or lie. It was simply a side of me you were lucky enough to had not seen up until this point."  
Komaeda traced a finger up Hinata's wrist, up his tanned arm before both hands were touching his face. He continued playing with his hair, using his other hand to just rest upon his cheek.

Hinata felt the boil ebb to a simmer. He wasn't going to deny it, he was completely wrapped around Komaeda's finger. He stayed in solemn silence as he– most definitely subconsciously– leaned against the hand that was cupping his cheek. Underneath everything he was currently feeling— too many to count, too many to differentiate, there was one definite emotion. Guilt. Guilt bubbling up, creeping into his chest, guilt heavy enough to make his heart plummet. He was in the arms of someone who had caused the death of two of his friends.

He tried to ignore the hot tears that were gathering in his eyes.

Komaeda began to speak again. "You're acting like you had me completely mapped out from the start, Hinata-kun. There were simply some things that didn't come up," Komaeda's gaze didn't falter, compared to Hinata's, which was constantly darting around the room, and is not to mention, blurred by tears.

"You didn't know me 100%, and it's your fault you assumed that you did."

Hinata let out a scandalized gasped at this, before quickly breaking free of the hold Komaeda had on him. The scene was so damn _close_ to being serene. He had come so close to finally calming the fuck down for once, before Komaeda had to rip it away from him.

(He's laughing, in Hinata's mind. He's always laughing in there.)

"Don't go pinning the blame on me. I can't fucking believe you, Komaeda. Lying by omission is _still_ lying,"

Hinata is too tired to deal with this, he decides.

"I didn't purposefully omit anything from you," Komaeda propped himself up on his arm. "It just happened that something so... despair-inducing occured later in our relationship."

Hinata almost wants to laugh. He doesn't, though. He wipes his eyes, licking his dry lips before speaking again.

"That doesn't make it my fault, then." The voice that comes out is much weaker than he had hoped for. "I don't get you at all. I don't want to get you."

Komaeda only huffs out a quiet sigh. "Understandable,"

Hinata at this point, is completely, utterly, broken. He feels like the empty, discarded shell of the man he was just 30 minutes ago. His muscles are stones, weighing him down, his brain is steel wool, scratching and scritching incessantly at the inside of his skull. His mouth tasted of blood— now where did that come from, stress?  
He decided it was so. Komaeda seems to have completely spaced out, all left in the room being an uncomfortable, tense atmosphere thick enough to cut with a knife.

(Hinata could hear his heart pounding. He wondered if Komaeda could hear it, too.)

Hinata doesn't notice when the tears before begin to well up again. He doesn't notice when they slide down his freckled cheeks, and he doesn't notice, (albeit, he didn't notice a little less), when his shoulders racked with his own sobs.

When he does notice, he decides he doesn't give a shit. It's too late to be embarrassed by depression.  
He welcomes the wave after wave of melancholy crashing upon him as each sob rebounds through the, otherwise quiet, room. Komaeda only watches on with shock.

(Hinata wonders how Komaeda wasn't expecting this.)

Hinata shuts his eyes as more tears freely slide down his cheeks, and as his cries get louder, his face gets messier.

He must be disgusting to look at, he thinks, as he covers his hand with his mouth.

Hinata was really, so tired. He didn't think he was the type to cry easily, but after the stress of seeing two of his classmates die, as well as seeing someone he thought he was close to completely fucking _lose it_ , he was ready to release the tears he had stockpiled for the last 2 and a half years.

After a few minutes of ungraceful sobbing accompanied by his inelegant sniveling and sniffling, the racks of his shoulders seemed to lessen in intensity, tears slowing and voice going quiet.

Komaeda only stared, wide-eyed.

(Hinata would've been celebrating were he not just sobbing his eyes out. He had finally ripped that smug smile off his face.)

"Hinata-kun...?" Komaeda asked— an indirect 'are you okay, oh my god,' Hinata guessed. Komaeda's voice was uncertain, and Hinata was sure he had never been more satisfied in his life than he had been then. He finally got that smug bitch to falter. Komaeda opened his mouth, as to speak, before pausing and opening his mouth again.

"Ah– um, what could that, uh... _episode_ have been triggered by? My graceless presence? If so, I apologize greatly, I have been known to make children cry, and–"

Hinata cut him off.

"God, no, you idiot, not that." He let himself draw out a snotty sniff. Disgusting.

"It's just. The tension, and, today, and. God, you're so... stressful, Komaeda." Hinata felt better after letting his feelings run rampant in the form of tears, he'll admit that. The simmer's just hot water, now.

"I seriously, hate you so much." Hinata rubbed his temple. "So much. I can barely stand the sight of you."

Komaeda seemed to, actually flinch at that? Wow, Hinata was on a roll.

"I can't say I'm surprised, Hinata-kun. It was bound to happen,"

"Yeah. Your fault."

Komaeda looked surprised when Hinata crawled over to him.

"But I..."

Hinata thought over his words before saying them. God, this was a terrible idea. Uncertainty was a storm over his steel wool brain, and he just wanted to scratch the weather away.

"I'm still, drawn to you, Komaeda."

Hinata looked at the other boy. Komaeda seemed to have trouble processing this information, praise after immediately being told he was hated?

(Hinata decides that the latter was a lie to make himself feel less guilty. He'll take it, even if he knows he can't fool himself)

(Komaeda doesn't know it's a lie. That's why he decides to pull a little prank, confuse Komaeda more as he leans over and kisses him gently on the lips.)

 

 

  
(He'd be satisfied if he could convince himself for even a second that that was the reason why he kissed him.)


End file.
